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MOVIE REVIEW

This Ain't Jaws XXX

Released: Jan 31st, 2012
Running Time: 100 Min.
Director: Stuart Canterbury
Companies: Adam & Eve Pictures, Hustler Video
DVD Extras: Behind the Scenes, Still Gallery(ies), Trailer(s)
Cast: Dale DaBone, Evan Stone, Danny Wylde, Rocco Reed, Phoenix Marie, Alexis Ford, Jayden Cole, Lily LaBeau, Darcy Tyler
Critical Rating: AAAA 1/2
Genre: 3D, Parody

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SYNOPSIS

I think we're gonna need a bigger cock.

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REVIEWS

 

Critical Rating: AAAA 1/2

Considering how much trouble Steven Spielberg had with his mechanical shark in the original Jaws, it's probably good that the folks at Hustler and Adam & Eve went with a digitized one for their parody.

But while Spielberg's film opened with a lone swimmer being attacked by a great white, Stuart Canterbury's version opens with a beach party ... from which young lovers Lily LaBeau and Danny Wylde sneak off to get it on in a bamboo hut. First, Lily chows down on his rod while fingering herself. Moments later, he's flat on his back on a bench and she's straddling him in reverse before positions are reversed and he's pounding her missionarily on the table, then snuggling up in spoon before he cums on her pussy. Too bad she's about to be eaten ... by a shark, that is!

As much as sheriff Dale DaBone complains about a possible shark threat, mayor Jayden Cole won't close the beaches—but after beach bunny Phoenix Marie (channeling '60s teen movie icon Diane Varsi) finishes getting it on (horsie, reverse cowgirl, mish) with '60s-haired stud Rocco Reed in a tent, Dale spots the shark feasting on another swimmer, and demands that Jayden close the beach.

Fortunately, shark expert Alexis Ford (looking incredibly better than Richard Dreyfuss) agrees—in fact, she agrees so much that as soon as Dale leaves the room, she puts the moves on Jayden. The pair kisses tenderly, then Jayden dives right for Alexis's boobs. Sixty-nine on the desk follows, with good 3D shots of each girl's mouth on the other's pussy. Alexis humps Jayden's upper thigh (it's called "tribbing"), and Jayden sticks her fingers in Alexis's pussy. The scene ends with the gals soloing side by side with toys.

And then it's time to get down to business. Evan Stone ("It's Quint—just Quint") offers his services to hunt the shark with Alexis, but sends the usually seasick Dale home to "make love to your wife." That's busty Darcy Tyler in her first storyline feature, and she doesn't disappoint. She chows down on Dale's wiener, mounts it in both directions, then spreads for mish before swallowing his spew.

Evan threatens to hook the shark by dangling his "big worm" in front of it, but the giant fish's first appearance causes reconsideration—and a booze-and-scar-comparison party once night falls. Dale leaves Evan and Alexis alone, and in moments, they're licking/sucking each other's fun parts and doing the missionary mambo. One of those strange Evan Stone cowgirl rides follows before Alexis settles down to a vertical bounce backwards and sideways in the chair, ending with a splooge to her tits.

Of course, the shark intrudes on the fucking, and if we had a Best Overactor Award, Evan would get it as the shark crashes the stern of the boat and eats him. This inspires a naked Alexis to dive in and try to kill it with a speargun, but as in the original, Dale feeds the shark an oxygen tank and explodes it, blowing the shark to smithereens.

Overall, the 3D videography is excellent, with just a few moments of unfusable images—and if you've never seen top stars fucking in 3D, you don't know what you're missing.


 

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Dale DaBone
Evan Stone
Danny Wylde
Rocco Reed
Phoenix Marie
Alexis Ford
Jayden Cole
Lily LaBeau
Darcy Tyler
Stuart Canterbury

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