Duke Fuckem

Released: Jan 11th, 2012
Running Time: 130 Min.
Directors: Ralph Long, Dommy B.
Company: Mike Hunt Inc.
Distribution Companies: Juicy Entertainment
DVD Extras: None
Cast: Scott Lyons, Ron Jeremy, Ralph Long, Codi Carmichael, Bella Reese, Jamey Janes, Abella Anderson, Stevie Shae
Critical Rating: AA
Genre: Parody - Comedy

SYNOPSIS

They used to tell stories about a fucking man who saved the universe. A man who sent fucking aliens running home pissing their pants. A man who disappeared without a trace. When the Alien Clowns came back to Earth they were pissed as shit. They fucked our world up. But they made one very big mistake ... they should have never fucked with our chicks. It's time for Duke to kick some ass and fuck some whores.

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The latest edition of the Duke Nukem video game series that this poorly produced and executed parody is based on was one of the poorest reviewed by critics and has been scorned by video game fans worldwide. Why in fuck’s sake would anyone involved in the production of this think that making a parody of it would be a good idea? Seriously, no one liked the game and it’s now in bargain bins everywhere … close to the bargain bins this will end up residing in, adult section-wise. 

The acting here is bad—performers needed second takes that just weren’t given—the camerawork is average, the editing is terrible and the packaging looks cheap. Using paintballs to fake blood and obvious toy guns? Really? It’s not even laughably bad. It’s just bad. 

Ron Jeremy stars as “Dick Fuckem,” and hearing him swear and enthuse about chicks as co-director Ralph  Long—playing a younger version of Fuckem—gets sucked by and fucks them just isn’t hot or funny at all. Luckily, it’s only over Bella Reese’s scene. 

Dick Fuckem is out to protect Chatsworth from evil clowns, and Abella Anderson helps save the day—but not this parody—with some poorly edited sex and clown killing. Loud, annoying music gets laid over way too much of Scott Lyons getting a decent blowjob and tit-fuck from Codi Carmichael next to someone’s computer before their good vag.