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Released: May 21st, 2014
Running Time: 145 Min.
Director: Axel Braun
Company: Wicked Pictures
DVD Extras: Behind the Scenes, Bonus Scenes, Non-Sex Version, Still Gallery(ies), Trailer(s), Widescreen
Cast: Claire Robbins, Tyler Nixon, Penny Pax, Giovanni Francesco, Ash Hollywood, Seth Gamble, Alec Knight, Alektra Blue, Kaylani Lei, Kurt Lockwood, Brie Simone
Critical Rating: AAAAA
Genre: Parody - Comedy
He's back ... and he's gonna need a hacksaw! Legendary director and "24" mega-fan Axel Braun delivers porn parody gold with this hilariously sexy spoof featuring über bad-ass Jack Bauer on the longest, funniest day of his life. Think you can't laugh your ass off, be hugely entertained, and get totally turned on at the same time? You don't know Jack!
One thing Axel Braun has always taken great pains to practice with his parodies is casting the most spot-on doppelgangers for the characters’ mainstream counterparts that can possibly be found within the porn talent pool. And still, we don’t know if he’s ever hit the nail so squarely on the head than with Kurt Lockwood and Ash Hollywood, respectively, as TV drama 24’s Jack and Kim Bauer (that is, Kiefer Sutherland and Elisha Cuthbert).
Lockwood, in particular, is just uncanny, not only looks-wise but in his incredible channeling of Bauer’s gravelly, growling voice … and frequent invocation of his trademark exclamation, “Dammit!” It may honestly be the best porn parody casting choice since Will Ryder placed Thomas Ward in the Bill Cosby role for his Not the Cosbys XXX. It’s also probably Lockwood’s greatest part since his breakout lead performance in Braun’s 2003 epic Compulsion.
Another standout here, however, is Penny Pax as assassin Mandy—played in the original by the stunning Mia Kirshner—who’s charged with offing Bauer by downing the plane he and daughter Kim are taking to L.A. at movie’s beginning. In a jet-black wig, Pax has never looked sexier, and she starts things off with a kapow by giving fellow flight passenger Alec Knight a stupendous impromptu b.j. in the plane’s lavatory before carrying out her duty at hand and parachuting to safety.
On land, she meets up with contractor Nina Myers (Alektra Blue) to collect her fee, but first the two have an absolutely electric girl/girl munch-out on the back of a car.
Naturally, Bauer survives Mandy’s attempt at crashing the plane (in a very funny L.A.-centric bit, he demands that it be landed on the 405 freeway), but soon Myers has Kim in her captivity—although not until the younger Bauer has had some kicks getting double-teamed by Seth Gamble and Tyler Nixon.
Tyler Knight, meanwhile, turns in a great if brief non-sex performance as a ghetto-talking, gangsta rap blasting President David Palmer, whose wife Sherry (Brie Simone) bangs Bauer because the Pres left her home alone while he’s off at a rap party.
Later, once Jack has brought Nina in, another great three-way occurs in the interrogation room between Nina, agent Tony Almeida (Giovanni Francesco) and his significant other Michelle (Kaylani Lei).
Finally, the true relationship between Jack and his subservient assistant Chloe O’Brian (Claire Robbins) is revealed with a smoldering anal session in her dungeon.
Truth be told, among Axel Braun’s greatest strengths is doing smaller scale, more character-driven parodies like this one which tend to lean toward sharper, more subtle humor and give his actors increased opportunity to flex their thespian muscles. Every element of this production is completely first-rate, and we can only hope to see more of this kind from the Braun factory in the near future.