Released: Jul 01st, 1999
Running Time: 135
Director: Stoney Curtis
Company: Celestial Productions
Distribution Companies: Seymore Butts' Home Movies
Cast: Envy (I), Alexandra Nice, Audra Bliss, Pat Myne, Bruno (I), Claudia (I), Chipy Marlow, Steve Marlow, Sonja Redd, Chennin Blanc, Herschel Savage, Stoney Curtis, Vivian Valentine, Sledgehammer, Dolly Golden
Critical Rating: AAAA
Sexy cars and fast chicks, man. Floor it.
Hot chicks and hot cars. It’s a concept so marketable that Petersen Publications was able to build themselves a publishing empire on that concept alone. For every 30-year-old who’s still 15 at heart, that’s an unbeatable combination.
But for those who don’t have subscriptions to Hot Rod, or who’ve never bought a ticket to a car show, the chrome is just pretty set dressing. With its own slew of technical difficulties (Hot Bods 8 has lots of blown-out video, haphazard editing, and audio so distorted that it’s often impossible to make out the dialogue), this is a series that sells on the sex, which there’s plenty of. The Hot Bods credo is that every scene has at least two girls and one anal.
Of the four scenes, the first one grinds its greats but never gets up to speed. While French import Dolly Golden (who looks more like an Oklahoma stripper) takes it in the ass like a trouper in scene one, and both Pat Myne and director Curtis have wood to spare, the ordinarily volcanic Vivian Valentine is just marking time, and newcomer Chennin Blanc doesn’t come alive until Myne’s cock is tucked in her trunk. After that, Hot Bods 8 puts the pedal to the metal, peels out and burns rubber.
Best of show goes to the Audra Bliss/Sledgehammer/Alexandra Nice threeway that ends the tape. Bliss swallows every inch of Sledge’s massive cock (just imagine the kind of tool you’d need to get away with that stage name), and Nice, not to be outdone, takes him for a rear-ender, proving that the lessons she’s been taking at the elbow of Alisha Klass haven’t been wasted.
Three words of advice before Volume 9 flips a bitch in the middle of the highway: 1) Better camerawork. 2) If Herschel Savage is gonna quote car stats, make sure they’re right (the GTO has a 389, not a 440 – that’s a Dodge engine – and the gearheads you’re aiming these vids at will care). 3) Dude, stop with the wordplay on your own name (“… it’s turning to stone/now I’m stoned…”), you’re killin’ your own sex scenes.