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MOVIE REVIEW

Planet of the Gapes

Released: Aug 01st, 1998
Running Time: 120
Director: Tom Byron
Company: Tom Byron Pictures
Distribution Companies: Extreme Associates
Cast: Stormy Waves, Allysin Chaynes, Sabina Johnson, Mike Long, Mark Davis, Jake Steed, Alexandra Nice, Raquel DeVine, Sheena Leanni Lei, Dru Berrymore, Blair Segall
Critical Rating: AAAAA
Genre: Gonzo

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SYNOPSIS

If the vision of Byron\'s grizzled testicles has prompted past purchase, rabid scrot-sighters will feel dogged; otherwise direct you rocket straight for this planet.

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REVIEWS

 

Critical Rating: AAAAA

No Charlton Heston. No frontal lobotomies. Not Statue of Liberty shock endings. But there's some guy (Tom Byron) prancing around in a monkey suit during the opening credits. Thank goodness for a bit of artistic integrity left in this world.

Unlike some of the seamier bits in Whack Attack, Byron puts his personal differences aside and offers, through illustrations of primal monkey mating, ample proof that not all "gapes" are created equal. Gape, of course, refers to the art of stretching one's asshole to impossible circumferences.

To that extent, if gyno-parlor tricks tend to make you puke, be advised that Planet of the Gapes is equivalent of cramming a finger down one's esophagus. Go no further. Otherwise, this is classic ass-poking, featuring beautiful girls with buttery buttholes and gleaming Ipana smiles. Asshole circumference, of course, varies. Check your local listings for time and channel.

From an anal purist's standpoint, the one downer in this whole discussion is the fact that adorable Allysin Chaynes keeps her petite behind to herself. Okay, we get the traditional Byron opening montage of Chaynes bending over, teasing, flashing her buns, yadda, yadda. But when it comes to the acid test, Allysin informs Byron that she's not quite ready for the buttfuck. (As if she ever will be.)

If that's not a comment to dampen the ardor of an ass tape, I don't know what is, but Chaynes proves serviceable in other areas during her threeway. Allysin does tongue tricks on partner Sabrina Johnson both fore and aft, then directs her attention to Byron's balls, which, in light of past comments about them being hoary and wrinkled, etc., are kept strategically out of camera view. For some reason or other, Byron's nuts don't swell as majestically in this show as in past vehicles; otherwise, he gapes Johnson, astutely and professionally, and pokes her ass with piston movements that would make a '64 Ford Mustang proud. Byron, for those keeping statistics, sees action in a total of three (3) threeways.

Newcomers Raquel DeVine (no relation to Andy) and Sheena prove to be blessed event sin the anal maternity ward. Their cock-in-the-ass doubles match with Mike Long and Jake Steed, respectively pits them stride-for-stride and angle-for-angle in choreography usually found with the June Taylor Dancers.

Before Byron again enters the picture, Alexandra Nice sucks on Leanni Lei's asshole as though the pretty Hawaiian were shitting Macadamia nuts. Once the compulsory lesbianism is out of the way, Lei proves she could get a job as an anal eyedod by assisting Byron's nozzle, deftly, into Alexandra's sphincter. Alas, no similar gimmickry propels Byron's match up with Dallas cuties Stormy Waves and Blair Segall. Then, again, none is needed because Waves, like Allysin Chaynes, qualifies for adorable status, PLUS she takes it in the ass. Great scene.

And for those who positively drool when Dru Berrymore takes cock in that tanned, Teutonic butt of hers, salivary opportunities abound when Mark Davis forges a British-German alliance in her asshole.


 

Related Content:

Extreme Associates
Tom Byron Pictures
Stormy Waves
Allysin Chaynes
Sabina Johnson
Mike Long
Mark Davis
Jake Steed
Alexandra Nice
Raquel DeVine
Sheena Leanni Lei
Dru Berrymore
Blair Segall
Tom Byron

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