Released: Apr 01st, 1998
Running Time: 118
Director: Jace Rocker
Company: Cal Vista
Distribution Companies: Metro Distributors
Cast: John West, Arthur Crane, Asia Carrera, Won Hung Low, Brooke Ashley, Marc Wallice, Julian (I), Kimi Ji, John Decker, Maya (I), Beau (I), Lillienne Li, J.J. Michaels, Devin Chang, Julian (II), Anna (I), Dewey Thomas, Jonathan Morgan
Critical Rating: AAAA 1/2
Don't you just hate it when an adult feature is of such marvelous invention and consequence that it practically grabs you by the kimono sash and forces you to pay strict attention to its plot? Doesn't happen often, but it does in the case of Jace Rocker's Thai Me Up, an uproarious, dead-on chop-socky parody that comes equipped not only with great sex, but the compulsory two-second-delay-lip-sync, as well.
Even so, the diligent take-notes viewer, with eyes wide open and ears perked like a Chihuahua's, may be at a loss to explain some of the vid's finer points to his friends and relatives, there being more characters and out-of-the-blue subplots than in a TV miniseries.
Part Woody Allen, part John Woo, part Roger Corman, and a screwball comedy to the nth degree, Thai Me Up is likely to have you posing questions like, "What's up, Tiger Lily?" well into its riotous opening sequence in a Bangkok niteclub. The good news, however, is there won't be a quiz on the material.
From the moment Asia Carrera (playing a blacklisted movie actress) forges alliances with crime syndicate boss, Wing Phat, clarity bends at right angles from the force of a wacky cartoon structure. Behold a glossary of speed-read quips such as: "I like my women like my coffee - tied up in a sack and thrown over the back of a mule." Now imagine a script where nearly every line is a keeper on that level.
After dispatching stripper Lillienne Li in a lively crotch grope, Carrera reveals herself to be a flip, take-charge, hard-boiled heroine with a nifty sense of inscrutable eyeball language and a killer double-take. She's Carole Lombard on chopsticks and testosterone. So, with all due respect for her loftier projects, tomfoolery appears to be Asia's undisputed forte.
Upon the revelation that both Carrera and Wing Phat have been screwed over for money by Asia's deceased former husband, '70s Kung Fu actor Kato Khan, private eye and fung-gu master Jonathan Morgan (checking in with a variety of disguises, including drag) gets liberally tossed into a chow mein of elaborate hoaxes. Morgan's performance harkens back to the glories of Haunted Nights. Only this time his dick makes some impact, particularly in a glorious butt fuck, which Morgan accomplishes by ramming his Pad Thai noodle through Kimi Ji's fishnets. The scene summons the zany, hellzapoppin' energy of yet another Rocker project, Risqué Burlesque.
Without giving away too much, it's safe to say the punch line of the story rests squarely on the shoulders of exotic performer anna, who has, shall we say, certain unique endowments intrinsic to the plot. Morgan's resultant antics, quite predictably, milk this element for all it's worth.
After posing as the director of the combat film-in-progress, Full Metal Panties (this sets up a funny and sexy threeway with Carrera and GIs John Decker and J.J. Michaels), Morgan and Carrera go undercover as a Hassidic Jew and nun, respectively. This development sets up the showcase kung fu scene in a warehouse where Morgan faces down Wing Phat's shades-wearing henchmen.
This Metro release comes in the Euro-style hard-box library packaging. With top notch performances (can't forget Marc Wallice as the lead henchman and his anal-er with Brooke Ashley) along with an unremitting sense of sexual horseplay, Thai Me Up isn't one of those adult comedies that ties you down with slapstick, then delivers the rest of the goods on a slow boat to China. This complete package arrives same-day service.