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Released: Oct 01st, 1997
Running Time: 132
Director: Robert Black
Company: Extreme Video
Distribution Companies: Elegant Angel Productions
Cast: Liza Harper, Jay Ashley, Paul Cox, Tricia Devereaux, Kimberly Kummings, Sunny (I), Tom Byron, Hayley-Jane, Jack Hammer, Jeanna Fine, Bunny Bleu, Tim White, Jimmy Caps, Dick Nasty, P.J. Sparxx, Jon West
Critical Rating: AAAA 1/2
From every indication, director/sick fuck Rob Black seems to have successfully parlayed his attention-deficit-disorder/class-clown mentality into top-notch hardcore smut status, with conflagrationary sex and shots of pussy so close-up, you can almost smell the yeast.
When not huffing Whip-Its or sharing favorite shit photos, Black and cohort Andy The Load are procurers of gawdknowswhat in a saturnalian type of pawn shop, a la Clerks. A place where you can buy into the sick fantasy of your choice.
Load, like the legendary Jack returning from the sale of the family cow with a few worthless beans in his sweaty palms, appears with what was supposed to be an African grey parrot in a crate. He's fucked up the order, causing Black to shriek like a rutting mouse, because it's instead Phil the Bird (filthy bird, geddit?), an ornery midget in a miniscule Big Bird outfit, played by Danny P. in a nom-worthy Best Non-Sex Role. Danny looks (and sounds) like a Hieronymous Bosch rendition of Joe Pesci as a chicken. The comedy bits played out between the three are interspersed throughout the video, and it's hilarious. For those weary of "Beavis and Butthead" reruns, this is the answer. Total retard humor at its finest.
The viewer is suddenly thrust scrotum-first into a mondo-beserker "Let's make A Deal" dimension. Some hayseed is the lucky winner of freckle-faced anal tart Liza Harper and platinum-haired Sunny. It'll take you a few minutes to realize that it's Tom Byron, complete with Gomer Pyle "hyuck hyuck" hick voice and thick, coke-bottle glasses held together with tape. Harper, with that legendary colon capable of accommodating a fleet of howtizers, delightfully pulls her cheeks open wide for Byron to sink his Bismarck into. Witness Harper's prolapsed rectum in all its cavernous, glistening glory. Likewise her ingenious talent for blowing loogie bubbles by opening and snapping that sphincter shut, while Sunny taps out a beat on Harper's clit 'fore Byron spews his goo into their open gullets. 'Tis nothing short of sublime. Pre-nom for Best Group Sex Scene (probably the funniest of the year, as well).
Sadistic schnitzel sucker Hayley-Jane begins the next scene by whipping two trussed-up fellas, before swallowing their shvantzes and gutteralizing "I speet on your deeks, ja?" Both shove their bratwursts simultaneously up the Nazi interrogator's cunt and crapper in a reverse, bouncing cowgirl d.p. which turns into a harrowing double anal! Talk about pressing the perineum! Yowza! Another Best Group Sex Scene prenom!
Construction workers Jeanna Fine and P.J. Sparxx gang up on college girl Tricia Devereaux, threatening to shove a multitude of things up Devereaux's cooch, be they fingers or available power tools. They begin with a quart of Pennsylvania crude. Fine is the indisputable master of abusive verbiage, with all the tenderness of a German drill instructor. She pours beer down her front, while Sparxx drags Devereaux by her hair, forcing her to lick the frothy brew from Fine's pussy. A femme dogpile results as Sparxx and Fine d.p. the livin' shit outta Devereaux with two thick rubber dicks, then douse her in a few gallons of faux-cum. Oy vey, can it be a Best All-Girl Sex Scene pre-nom?
Back in the pawn shop, Andy's watching a movie by some "sick-fuck" named Rob Black. "What? he sucks!" screams Black , before the midget jumps across a counter to cold-cock Black unconscious with a rubber dong. That sends Black into a violet-hued world straight outta Beetlejuice, where he stars as a sinister underworld demon, replete with long, black Lee Press-On Nails. He plunges his sausage into demonic accolyte Devereaux's holes, spewing into her gaping hole as she happily gulps his seed.
No need for ginkoba or caffeine, folks. This tape'll jerk you into a sonic state of alertness with each successive slattern's semen-slathered slit. Let us now bestow pre-nom honors for Best Sex Comedy. You're a funny fuckin' guy, Rob.