"…soon after appearing in the pages of Playboy, she undertook a staring role in Baywatch. And the rest, as they say, is history."

This unctuous phrase is repeated so often in the narration that you'd think the Playboy shareholders have an insider deal going with David Hasselhoff. Thankfully, we're spared the sight of red-swimsuited waifs running slo-mo along west coast beaches.  (There's also a sub-category which we're dubbing The Ex-MTV Hostesses. You know who they are, too.)

In any case, these babes appear in a mix of sensual scenarios designed to suit their public personalities -- in most cases, at least. In a riff on the infamous Jim Bakker/Jessica Hahn liaisons, Jessica drifts around hotel rooms, voyeuristically spying on the amorous dalliances of other couples. Conversely, Shannon Tweed finds herself the subject of an intimate security camera study in a reference to the seemingly endless series of erotic thriller she made with Andrew Stevens. Pamala Lee performs a Barb Wire- style dance under some leaky water pipes, and former Bob Barker concubine Dian Parkinson shakes her remarkably preserved form in a TV-like setting. Erika Eleniak has a goofy juggling session with green apples, which may or may not be a metaphor about youth and sin. As Freud once said, "An apple is sometimes just an apple… but what a pair of cantaloupes!"

Truthfully, is any of this stuff arousing? For teenagers, perhaps. Everyone here has that prefabricated come-hither look that softcore directors seem to think is so disarming. We found the most interesting aspect of the vid was getting beyond our current visualizations of these celebs to see them as they were before their big-time surgical enhancements.