Released: Feb 01st, 1995
Running Time: 78
Director: Milton Ingley
Company: Heatwave Video
Cast: Dick Nasty, Lana Sands, Misty Rain, Rick Masters, Cumisha, Tess Newhart, Chad (I)
Critical Rating: A
Why is it that adult sci-fi pieces are always short one strand in the DNA chain? Like last year's Nympho Zombie Co-Eds, (another incompetent stab at genre satire) Deep Space 69 is light years away from basic craftsmanship, let alone solar heat. Given that the modus operandi of the plot revolves around a poiled space princess (Misty Rain) projecting boredom, the vid is a stellar success. Stifling yawns, Misty tediously waves about her magic prop wand, ordering her Borg-ish butler to blow up inhabited plants and slip her the prosthetic space shuttle, while Lana Sands plays host to an alien double-dick in both her launching pads – all to the tune of the 1812 overture.
Meanwhile, on the surface of planet "Chee-Z-Set" (my name) Cat women Cumisha and Tess Newhart crawl around preening themselves for what seems like a light year until Dick Nasty and a Ferengi arrive to make moon eyes at them. Apparently there's no shortage on scuba wet suits and rhinestones in this end of the universe. Again, the prosthetic wangolas are unleashed but this time it's Cumisha who sticks Nasty in the butt. Must be one of those parallel universe gags where everything is reversed. In the only viewable segment, Misty and Tess play with a double-headed dildo and chrome vibrator, and before you can say "make it so!", it disappears up Misty's black hole. At least nobody's pretending the dicks are attached to anything alive.
Overmodulated sound and washed-out videography don't help, either.