Released: Mar 01st, 1994
Running Time: 74
Director: Frank Marino
Company: Forbidden Films
Cast: Wallice, Christina Angel, Deborah Wells, Peter North, Kaitlyin Ashley
Critical Rating: AA
This video — the debut Penthouse model and AVN awards babe Christina Angel — has had a huge buildup and fine ad campaign — which makes its terminal imbecility even more disappointing. I really don't think the viewer likes to be treated like a total idiot. Even escapist sexvids should have an equivalent to the 55 mph speed limit for flat-out dumb — and this vid is a Mack Truck in top gear, pushing 90 downhill with no brakes — and trust me, it doesn't jackknife in your crotch.
Take the premise — two city slickers (Wallice & St. Croix), recruiting for a hillbilly beauty contest, and their truck breaks down in Lower Dumfuck? That's lamer than a Tonya Harding press conference denial. Then consider the hillbilly babes. Kaitlyin Ashley, adorable in short-short denim cutoffs and a haystack hairdo, sports a notably Chicagoan hillbilly accent, but she's bested by the usual impenetrable French-accented mumble of Deborah Wells. (I take it she's from the Conehead branch of the family — they speak with French accents, right?) Wednesday, with her pierced tongue and navel, is the very picture of rubedom. In this vid, all it takes to be hillbilly is a plaid shirt.
When Christina appears, we don't even know who her character is, except we presume she's another hillbilly (plaid shirt, you guessed it, and cowboy hat), getting stripped and licked by a nearly-unseen Wednesday. This is both bad camera-work, and a poor way to showcase your star. This languid scene is underscored by a ja//y ballad score — just as bad as the tinny honky-tonk that preceded, but even more incongruous. The closing scenes, with Christina giving a long kneeling b.j. to Wallice before bending over the truck hood for him, and a Peter North/Wednesday/Kaitlyn threeway, are equally uninspired. Christina is a lovely blonde, with largish natural boobs and a long trim torso and legs, and she scores high on the visual scale, if nothing else here indicates potential or lack thereof.