Released: Mar 01st, 1991
Running Time: 75
Director: Ron Jeremy
Company: Infinity Film
Cast: Robin Lee (Fallon), Cara Lott, Wayne Summers, Heather Lere, Renee Foxxe, Madison (I), T.T. Boy, Hans Mueller, Don Fernando, Max Stryde (Joel Shultz)
Critical Rating: AAA
Pretty package on feature film.
I so much wanted to give this flick a rave review because it seemed to have great potential - shot on film, large cast, often witty script, creative sets and good costumes - but it's marred by jumbled sound quality and full of lots of "almosts." It's almost great, but not quite.
The movie opens in the same exact living room we saw in A Night at the Waxworks. In fact, Max Stryde plays a similar character to the Peter North/nebbish/virgin in Waxworks.
In Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure-style, Stryde and fellow classmate Renee Foxxe are visited by time traveler Wayne Summers and his phantom phone booth. As usual, Summers' wacky characterization is outstanding. This time, he has Elvis/skunk hair and a silver lame get-up. His delivery is Andrew Dice Clay meets Bruce Willis meets Ron Jeremy. If anyone can help these innocents study for a sex-ed test, it's him. Hey, he even brings along their teacher (Sharon Mitchell). She and Summers give lessons in lust as the duo eagerly take notes.
Most of the sex is historical, sometimes hysterical - i.e., Summers asks Socrates how many angels can suck the head of his cock - it's an old philosopher's riddle. Besides Don Fernando as Soc, who interfaces with Cleopatra (Madison, complete with her trademark Betty Boop squeals) and handmaiden Robin Lee, there's gorgeous Heather Lere as Juliet and place Boy as Romeo.
Soon, most of these folks are back to the school auditorium for an old fashioned orgy on stage. When it's over Stryde carries Foxxe off into the sunset, undressed, and in a continuity glitch since they're fully clothed when they arrive back at his palce to a starlit overhead sky.
But like I said, 1-800-TIME tries hard but wandering storyline and perhaps too much action and too loose direction makes it miss the pinnacle. Stores should definitely have it to add to the growing list of new feature films on the market.