Released: Nov 01st, 1993
Running Time: 82
Director: Bionca (I)
Company: VCA Platinum
Cast: Shawnee Cates, Crystal Wilder, Sharon Kane, Melanie Moore, Randy Spears, Bionca (I), Alex Jordan, Jon Dough, Terry Thomas, Tiffany Mynx, Joey Silvera, Kiss
Critical Rating: AAAA
There's something about those crisp white uniforms that nurses wear...and something about those tight jerseys and kicky little pleated skirts that cheerleaders wear...sure, cheerleaders and student nurses have always been sex fantasy figures, but there's something so unabashedly physical about the clothes...and how they take them off. Director Bionca and scriptster Jim Holliday have fashioned a celebration of femininity, wrapped in the coed packages that eternal frat boy Holliday loves so well. A baker's dozen of the hottest women in adult today: including director Bionca, Alex Jordan, Crystal Wilder, Tiffany Mynx, and Melanie Moore; are joined by studs Joey Silvera, Randy Spears, Jon Dough, and Terry Thomas, for six steamy sex scenes and assorted nonsense.
The action is set at the (pause for deep breath) Burton Allen Institute of Nursing, Air Hostessing, Cheerleading, Culinary Arts, Exotic Dancing, Massage, Super Runway Modeling & Car Wash Management. Why car wash management? Well, they have to attract male students to study something, so they can have sports teams, and, ergo, cheerleaders. Nice to know that the script retains such niceties of internal logic — it just adds to the wacky charm of the proceedings.
In a twist of the wacky logic, almost all the student nurse/cheerleaders are named Mary something — collectively, the Mary Angels, hearkening back to Holliday's many columns on the various "angels" of the biz. For some reason (and trust me, knowing Jim, there's five or six reasons, vitally important to him, totally obscure to the rest of humankind), though, Bionca is named Mavis, and too-little-seen-of-late tiny Shawnee Cates is Dancing Fox. Shawnee, all fifty-odd inches tall of her, is usually seen next to lanky lovely Debi Diamond, easily six-foot plus in heels. Again, it's the little details like this that mark a good director, and add to a production.
The proceedings open with a great sloppy blowjob, administered by Tiffany Mynx to Randy Spears, establishing the happy-go-lucky smutty atmosphere of the Burton Allen Institute. New student nurse Crystal Wilder is initiated, first in a classic girl/girler with the lovely Alex Jordan. This scene features oiled rubber gloves and massive dildoes. (Bionca must be a generous as well as talented director; this is usually her domain.) Alex's hands are a blur as she jams one toy in Crystal's upthrust pussy, and the other in her own. Crystal, showing marvelous student nursing aptitude, is quickly moved on to more complex subjects — a three-way sandwich and double facial with Jon Dough and Terry Thomas.
One of the many delights of Cheerleader Nurses are the transitions. Mostly, they take place in the nurses' dormitory (with a pompom rack on the wall), where it seems that acres of luscious female flesh are permanently on display, or in various states of semi-uniforms/semi-undress. They also showcase innumerable Holliday asides on subjects as varied as pro wrestling, philology and syntax, and every baseball player named Chico in history. If this isn't spaced-out enough for you, add the horny insanity of Ron Jeremy as Dr. Quisling, or the hapless Dr. Elvis T. Melble (Joey Silvera), who, pining over the theft of his trading-card collection, piteously asks Bionca, "Teach me to be a lesbian." After a fashion, she does, but his dick is put to good use, too.
The proceedings climax — and I mean climax — with lucky Randy Spears taking on five babes in a tumultuous orgy. The girls (Sharon Kane, Shawnee Cates, Kiss, Melanie Moore, and Nikki Sinn) devour each other as well as Randy, who must have been cataloguing not only Chicos, but every baseball player he could think of, in order to sustain himself against the onslaught. No question, it's Play of the Week caliber — Marv Albert should provide commentary. A sequel is promised to this fresh, funny, sexy, playful piece.