I know a joke about a sleazo named Willie the Wart Sucker, a disgusting little cretin that lives deep in the sewer. He sucks warts for a living. During his exploits, he has to ream the rear of an extremely heavy woman. I wish he was the story of these two featurette tapes, one of which is not designed for the squeamish.
Bad Mama Jama was the first; a big black mama taking on out-of-work guys of any race, creed or color. Now we get Layla Lashelle in Tons of Buns, not as "pretty" as her mentor, but just as fat. Like a hippo in heat, she takes on skinny Jeff Golden in a completely non-erotic scene designed for a crowd that has a fetish for an oversized woman who looks like she's having no fun.
This series of two tapes is titled Tons of Fun, but it's doubtful that big black T.J. Swan and Bill Dollar are having any in a hot tub sequence where we get to see little up-close action. Finally, Lashelle shaves for the camera, running that razor up the globs of flesh that make up her private area. Once again, not for the squeamish, but only for those who really love watching fat mamas do it. And why the poor Dark Brothers imitation, which is completely pointless?
Candy Kane stars in Two Tons of Fun, but she weighs a mere 275 or 300 pounds. Jeff Golden stars as the Roto Reamer man (first introduced in Pipe Dreams) who unclogs Candy's drains. His entrance, a funny bit, makes up for the lackluster sexual performance. I guess he's had his share of oversized, tattooed ladies. Candy Kane is extremely large and overtly sexless. A Norman scene between Summer Rose and Dan T. Mann is just that – normal. So who needs it?
If I sound cynical, it's because people who live by the credo "once you go fat, you'll never go back" probably won't like these tapes. Not enough variety or production values, and frankly, not sleazy enough to be curiosity items.
Willie the Warm Sucker would screw these women, given the opportunity. Obviously, so will this guy Jeff Golden. But I doubt that many others would want to. Anybody who wants to hear the rest of the Willie the Wart Sucker story might have a great script for an adult flick. Write to me at the AVN office.