Released: Sep 01st, 1985
Running Time: 75
Director: Bob Chinn
Company: Tara Video
Cast: Rene Tiffany, Cara Lott, Scott Irish, Rikki Blake, Colleen Brennan, Bobby Bullock, Gina Carrera
Critical Rating: A
I’ll acknowledge that the one major problem a fan of adult video has is that he must wade through all of the cheap shot-on-video garbage crowding the video store’s shelves. If he’s not careful, he gets stuck with a cheap, shot-in-one-day sexvid that he ends up turning off after ten minutes because personally, he’s turned off.
But a new trend exists. Some companies feel that if you shoot the same garbage on film, somebody will be interested in seeing it. If you combine the lowest production values of any video features available, and transfer it to film, you have a movie called Blondie.
It’s not so bad that the sound quality is equitable to trying to figure out what someone in a shower is saying while the water is still running. I can live with the three major glitches in the picture and choppy editing that has no continuity at all. And so what if the film print isn’t color-corrected. The sex stinks. That’s the problem!
The opening scene with Sheri St. Claire leaves us as bored as she looks. Cara Lott, a nurse, takes on a doctor and uses lines such as “… (your penis) is like a thermometer” and “Hurry up, I've got such a fever.” Colleen Brennan gets eaten in a bathroom and looks like she’s waiting for her paycheck. And these are the good scenes.
If there’s a story to be mentioned, it has something to do with some doctor’s wives, whose husbands always cheat on them. Therefore, they throw a pool party and have wild backyard and bedroom sex.
Granted, Blondie does include one good anal sex scene. But by then, you’ll probably be fast asleep, dreaming about some old loops that you’d rather be watching. This tape is bad!
(Note: For retailers who might be considering purchasing this tape for your store, the title of the movie does not fit on the box. I know this was an attempt at being “artsy,” but if you look at the packaging, you have no idea what the title of the movie is. Bad move on the company’s part, and nobody is going to want to rent a movie called Blo, which is all that fits on the cover.)