(Okay, Fred, cue up the music from the "Long Ranger"; we've got a voice over to do). "Return with us now to those thrilling days of yesteryear when the name Johnny Wadd still meant something and Seka still looked like an innocent new face just off the farm when she starred in her first full length flick . . . Hi ho Silver, away!"

Produced in what we now jokingly refer to as the dark ages of porn (1979), Blonde Fire looks startlingly like a made-for-T.V. movie, although the non-existence of any acting talent and the stiffness of the direction give away the fact that this was produced on a much smaller budget than the average swill you see on CBS' Every Night at the Repeats late night division.

The theoretical plot concerns itself with ol' Johnny Wadd going to Africa to pick up a diamond, but that's really just filler between feeding tube steak to a variety of spies, counterspies, security specialists and other assorted honies. Yessir, ol' Waddski knocks off as much gash as we say we do in the locker room at the tennis club.

This is a good flick for people just getting into schmutz. It doesn't have a lot of hard edges and really won't alienate any new viewers. The main drawback of this film, for me, is that its limitations show it up to be very much a product of its time. For example, although the sex is frequent, it isn't always erotic. This was made back in the days when people just wanted to see screwing and didn't care all that much for what was going on around it.

All told, this isn't a bad film. It's not mediocre, but it's also not compelling enough to tell the clerk at the rental store to put it aside until after you get off work. Hmmmm, sounds like "late Show" fare of the future.