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Return To Alpha Blue

Released: Oct 01st, 1984
Running Time: 90
Director: Gerar Damiano
Company: AVC
Cast: Chelsea Blake, Sharon Kane
Critical Rating: AA
Genre: Film

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Critical Rating: AA

O.K., be forwarned: this isn't really Alpha Blue II and Tiffany Clark is nowhere to be found. However, if you ever wanted to see the Jetsons get it on, look no further. After a feminist tract prologue, Jane beams up George, Elroy and Henry and performs for them an endless three-way fellatio that eventually covers her face with so much stuff that you hope for her sake that some pharmaceutical company discovers that jizz makes good zit creme. I'm not thrilled with this opening sequence because there's too much time spent in raw close-ups of penises, a flaw that permeates this film like a scratch on a record and something that I don't watch porn for (who's better than me anyway?).

We fade into the next scene which features a welcome dose of some art-house style lesbian action and we also quickly realize that there isn't going to be any dialogue, story or plot and that we've been semi-cleverly suckered into watching a stylized series of loops. I should add that the lezzie scene gets docked a notch because one of the girls has a hairy ass. (YUK!)

Naturally, we finally do get some dialogue but we are very relieved when one of the co-stars tells the other co-star that she talks too much. End of dialogue. Attempted shock value and eroticism fall flat as a flailed frankfurter in this epic (didn't I just sound like ol' Spiro Agnew there?). The editorial point of view of the film becomes very clear when one of the girls takes it up the rear with a martian ray-gun (too bad it wasn't the girl with the hairy posterior).

If you like wall-to-wall sex films on the lame side, pop some popcorn, wake the kids and call the neighbors. If you like your coffee a little stronger, don't bother sitting through this because you'll only wind up asking the questing that made Clara (Wendy's) Peller famous, "What is this junk."


Related Content:

Chelsea Blake
Sharon Kane
Gerar Damiano


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