Let's face it . . . M*A*S*H has been, in its various incarnations, the Hollywood success story for over a decade. Now what sacred cow couldn't use some good natured lampooning now and again? M*A*S*H is no exception, but S*M*A*S*H*D is by no means the answer.

It starts off harmlessly enough with a pre-credit sequence where two fellows sit in a bar and reminisce about the good old war days, when getting laid was a greater preoccupation than fighting the enemy. Flashback to the dramatic crash of a B-25 (twenty five, you read correctly) which is about as convincing as holding a lit match in front of the camera lens while filming a stationary plane. This sets the tone for the rest of the picture: shoddy workmanship and a careless attitude towards every aspect of the production.

As if it matters, the rest of the "plot" of this 1981 film is just a series of helplessly unfunny sexual highjinks: one soldier gets bayoneted in the rump while copulating, and another couple gets caught coitus-interuptus in the shower with the whole camp watching (what originality!). There is, of course, the obligatory fellatio-under-the-table-while-operating scene (yok yok) and some nude mud wrestling thrown in for good measure.

In trying to emulate the original M*A*S*H feature film, the director of this work, Emton Smiht (an anagram not worth unscrambling) shot S*M*A*S*H*D in 16 millimeter, with a rambling, incoherent soundtrack. Not only is this a poor copy of Robert Altman's (the original M*A*S*H director) style, it's also so much cheaper, too! That's what sums up this whole production: cheapness. The jokes are rotten, the acting simply does not exist, and most laughable of all, "Korea" resembles a mobile home park with tents flung over the trailers.

Even the sex is substandard for an adult film, and that is where we draw the line here at AVN. Annie Sprinkle, a most outrageous and enthusiastic sexual performer, looks like she has been in the S*M*A*S*H*D infirmary . . . drugged, that is. Veteran Andrea True also walks, or should I say rides, through her role as Hot Puss.

The performers are no to blame, really, because everything else about the show is so uninspiring. A true pity, when such great source material was there to work with.