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Released: Apr 01st, 2004
Running Time: 136
Director: Thomas Zupko
Company: Elegant Angel Productions
Cast: Shy Love, Mason Storm, Tristan (I), Rosanna De La Vega, Melanie Jagger, Brian Surewood, Brett Rockman, Tony T., Lisa Lee
Critical Rating: AAAA 1/2
Zupko, plus Elegant, plus the stunning Storm on the cover, plus the rude action shots on the back all add up to a must-stock title multiple times.
Zupko stripped of his pretensions is a pretty fucking good pornographer. Without the angst-ridden clutter of the difficult, yet ambitious, distinctive features (Opera, etc.) he's primarily known for, this guy knows how to direct some damn, hot sex. Kudos to Elegant Angel strongman Patrick Collins for reigning Zupko in and making him do all-sexers that focus on the Goddamn screwing, fer Crissakes.
Big Wet Asses 2, Zupko's second such title since receiving his marching orders, is - as if you couldn't tell - filled with big (actually perfectly bubble-butted), wet (as in, shades of the late Bruce Seven, tons of glistening oil) female rumps, teasing the camera up close and personal, then getting impaled on huge stiffies. The result is five hard, uh, ass, well energized - sometimes manically so - eminently wankable scenes. There's a certain stripped down squalid rawness to Zupko's sex scenes (perhaps due to the camera work he employs: it just sits there sometimes at mid-range, matter-of-factly taping the music-free raunch) that one is hard pressed to find anywhere else, and it's on full display throughout.
Also on display throughout - unapologetically so - are Big Fake Titties and - apology perhaps in order - touches of recycled-for-like-the-umpteenth-fucking-time Greg Dark-inspired "wacky" humor (isn't it about time porno came up with something fresh in the raincoater humor department after all these years?).
Speaking of raincoats, all the male performers sport 'em, plus other rubber rain gear such as gloves and hats - part of the yuks, we suppose, to shield 'em from all that wetness, which, besides the oil, includes tons of drool and messy, copious facials - but you know what? It adds a hot, fetishy touch -OK, perhaps an unintentional one - as say, the guys stick their rubber coated fingers in greased-up female butt hole.
As for the girls, they're all, in the right-on-for-once words of the box hype, "Grade A Whores," if not exactly A-list names, who turn in loud - make that very loud in spots - sweaty, nut-busting performances.
The five stud/slut pairings are all basically the same - that's not a criticism; that just means they all rock equally hard - but just for the record, in order, they feature blonde Euro bolt-on babe Lisa Lee and her fellow Continental, Tristan; blistering brunette Shy Love (believe us, there ain't nothing shy about her) and big Brett Rockman, the best endowed white man in the biz; the yelping-until-your-ears-bleed Rosanna De La Vega and Brian Surewood (who utters the immortal line, "Pussy is for fags," before going straight to the "A"); and fuck pig Melanie Jagger (sporting becoming new red 'do) and Tony T., who looks enough like Adam Sandler to play him in the adult version of 50 First Dates (50 First Fucks, anyone?).
That's only four pairings, we realize, cause if there's one standout scene here, it's the closing Mason Storm/Surewood barnburner. Storm, for those of you unfamiliar with this relative newcomer, is a breathtaking Hispanic brunette with an obscenely statuesque bod topped off by a pair of giant silicone sacks. Her tease is squirtable all by its lonesome (pre-nom it in that category), and her subsequent deep anal plundering is only more so, deserving of a pre-nom for Best Anal Scene - Video.
All this adds up to a super strokable success for Zupko and his well, crack team - videographer William H. and editor Slain Wayne - and a pre-nom for Best Anal-Themed Title. Keep it up Tom, so to speak.