Released: Oct 01st, 2005
Running Time: 78
Cast: Maria Tortuga, Kevin James (I), Becky Savage, Sally Swift, Others, Tommy LaRock, Lei Quan, Ken Scudder
Critical Rating: AA
Genre: Golden Age
Told entirely in flashback by two old codgers over dinner, the story (such as it is) revolves around Mr. and Mrs. Smith (Sally Swift, Tommy LaRock) whose love life is unsatisfactory until they decide to book themselves on an all-sex cruise sponsored apparently by the NY School for Porn Over-Acting. We're not kidding; nothing approaching a normal dialog takes place here, and the sex is nothing to wire home about either.
Sally's first liaison consists of tit-licks, cowgirl and mish as a tinny phonograph plays "Lili Marlene" in the background, but she later gets to boff Kevin James missionarily in a better sequence - that is, it would be if it weren't intercut with Tommy doing the same thing with Maria Tortuga. Tommy and Sally do get a scene together toward the end, but even that is way overplayed - and much of the sex is blurry, supposedly because it's being viewed through a porthole by one of the old guys. We suspect there may be another explanation for the poor image.
Retailing: Adult film was beginning its decline in '82, and this is one example of that.