Released: Jun 01st, 2006
Running Time: 234 Min.
Director: Jules Jordan
Company: Jules Jordan Video
Cast: Scott Lyons, Donny Long, Mario Cassini, Jerry (I), Jerry (II), Chris Charming, Arnold (I), Scott Nails, Kurt Lockwood, Johnny Fender, Mr. Marcus, Trent Saluri, Brett Rockman, Jean Val Jean (I), Jenna Haze
Critical Rating: AAAA 1/2
The passage also sets the stage for the blasphemous (semi and otherwise) motif that runs throughout Jenna Haze Dark Side, which has Jordan fave Haze, attired as just about the sexiest little Catholic schoolgirl we've ever seen, recounting her very naughty exploits to a priest in a confessional. One guess who the final pairing is. But more on that later.
This reviewer is going to ignore Luke's advice and render a judgment on JHDK: Even though it's only June, come next January, this is going to be the one to beat for Best Gonzo Feature.
It's outstanding in that established Jordan tradition – no big departures here from what worked so well for him at Evil – and it's a tour de force for Haze, whose long, lean, lithe bod and cute as, well, Hell, kisser look better than ever. She's in each of the two-disc set's eight varied, distinctive, fetish-tinged scenes, and liberated from the middle-of-the-road constraints of her former employer, the now-defunct Jill Kelly Productions (hey Bob – call home), she?s, as the box hype, for once accurately, states, "up to her old tricks again!" Haze fans will be in porno heaven. Non-Haze fans may become converts.
Said tricks include, in order, the opening d.p. set in a dungeon, a pairing in a Hollywood Boulevard shoe store with foot worshipping salesman Kurt Lockwood (playing against type), and a blowbang in a blessedly Old School dirty book store arcade, made wonderfully sleazier by the moans we hear from the porno playing in the surrounding booths. Nice touch.
Scene four has Haze as a kinky bride whose white wedding is sidetracked by Mr. Marcus, while next up is impossibly curvaceous hellcat Tory Lane, all Dommed out, topping a subby Jenna in a flurry of tongues, fingers and toys. The final three scenes feature Haze as a fetish maid getting nailed in all three holes by, appropriately enough, Scott Nails, Haze waltzing into another dirty book store in full length black PVC trench coat for a glorious glory hole ravishing (yes, the anonymous dicks actually fuck her) as Jordan's Gina Lynn's Darkside plays on the monitor, and finally, of course, her inevitable buggering by her confessor/priest in a red-lit, candle strewn church. The man of the cloth pulls out of her most perfect poop-chute, baptizes her fine face with his sacred seed, then pronounces, "You are absolved, my child." Ripped from today's headlines, as they say, but for the minor detail that this butt belongs to a babe, not a boy.
Pre-noms: Best Gonzo Feature; Best All-Girl Sex Scene, Jenna Haze and Tory Lane; Best Oral-Themed Scene, Jenna Haze, Scott Lyons, Arnold, Others; Best Group Sex Scene, Jenna Haze, Glory Hole boys; Best Sex Scene Coupling, Jenna Haze, priest; Best DVD Menus.
Retailing: Considering this is Jules Jordan Video's debut release, it would probably hit the top of the charts if it showed nothing more than Haze staring into the camera for four hours. That it shows so much more probably makes this the no-brainer deep stocking choice of the year. Probably wise to display near your Evil Angel stuff, for those customers still unaware that Jordan has flown that coop.