We've all seen letterboxed vids that have a mask on the top and bottom to preserve the correct widescreen ratio. Imagine adding a border to the sides! The result is a square boxy island surrounded by an ebony ocean. (Actually, you needn't imagine it because the fine folks at Xplosion have made 30 percent picture loss a delightful reality.) Add to that some of the weakest solos we've ever seen, plus equally feeble motel-room humping. Captured on grainy, under-lit video, no less!

Consider this genre's rocketing learning curve since the early '90s: the consumer HD cameras they're using these days; the experienced shooters; truly horny, good-looking amateurs. It's the difference between caviar and landfill. Bon appetit.

Retailing: Only the most severe masochist would put themselves through this.